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Dis-eases of my body began when I was honest of admitting that I had debts with one bank.

Creditor NOrkor knew it after my admission.

He flared up.  He felt betrayed.  He was saying he acted liked a fool .  All the while he thought he helped me ease out the burden.

I added new burden.  For him everything I said was betrayal.(Oct. 3, Monday)

Next day, October 4, he confronted ted and me.   He blurted out a mouth of  dehumanizing words.

Today, he called me thickskinned .  Who owed debts but didn’t pay debts.

I’m weeping for help to annihilate my financial woes and to cut any financial connection with my creditors.

I’m crying for Heaven’s help to grant my wish that I can get from our share today SO ALL MY FINANCIAL WOES WILL SOLVE.

TOMORROW TED AND I BEGIN A NEW LIFE.  PLEASE.

“You allow yourself to wait for them to finish.”

Swak!  The short five-letter word ALLOW  hit me right then during our department meeting.  Yes, I allowed myself to get carried away in explaining.  Yes, I allowed myself to dwell on the issue that I couldn’t hold the time.  In fact, I  saw the time and knew very well that I had ten minutes before the period ended.  Still, I insisted to finish the lesson and allowed myself to apologize and extend the time.  Yes, I allowed myself to procrastinate.  Yes, I allowed myself to choose what I thought I was right at that moment at the expense of others.  What a sorry memory that word stirred !

With my free will, I allow myself to talk softly or to shout.  Yes, the choice is upon my hand.  Now, I understand more deeply the true meaning of choice.  Choice means ALLOW.

What a poignant state!  I knew my cell phone battery was about to be used up, but I allowed it to reach its state to mutter its sound of warning before I recharged it.  When I recalled this trivial incident, I laughed at my own obstinacy of dilly dallying.  Why did I fail to grasp the MOMENT?

Yes, I grabbed the moment of writing this piece of enlightenment of ALLOWING.

Yes, I allowed myself to be affected by Mr. C’s indifferent answer.

When I allowed myself to address to what he suggested, disregarding how he said it, I allowed myself to look at his positive side.  Right then, I allowed myself to strengthen our brother-sister relationship.  Mr. Bo Sanchez once said three Sundays ago that how we react to a person depends on how we want to see him or her.  Indeed, I allowed myself to see him as practical, taciturn, loving yet strict brother, I appreciate his silence more, his no-nonsense dealing with words, his cool-yet-warm-beneath wry humor, and his other odd sides.   Indeed I allowed myself to see my bro’s solution-based response as his straight-to-the-point remedy; then, I apapreciate his practicality.  What great love brings to us! .

Everything lies on the word ALLOW.

Now, I allow myself to bask in the word HOPE and SUN, ummmmmmm

what a great blessing I have at this moment to write how I felt!

What a great morning I have !

Today is the fourth day after the Great News happened in our household.  Today is the first day after the Sunday Talk of Bo Sanchez about  autumn in our lives.  Today is the day when I’m experiencing the aftermath of last night’s rush in eating the P44 peking duck, salted fish fried rice, fried prawn salad, fried spareribs, and seafood spinach food in a hurried manner.  Today is the day when I experience my bro’s apologizing voluntarily of  his cutting off the discussion and sharing of how he felt.  Today is the day when Auntie Jane said, ” When one wants to do it, he/she will remember and do it willingly.”

Today is a mixture of euphoria, calmness, agitation, and excitement.  Euphoric, I have chosen I still pursue my teaching passion in a different field.  Still, my basic ground is still teaching.  I have come to my responsible terms that I want to rely on myself for self-reliance

     Jubilant!   After forty-two years of battling in the court, finally the two-minute call wiped out the blood, money, strength,  and will of  Pops.  Yesterday May 13, 2011 (Friday) was the reckoning day for our family.   After forty-two years of waiting and praying and giving up and returning of the faith, the decision that the land Pops was fighting for was given posthumously to Pops.  After eleven years of his demise, the news that he had been waiting and wishing for  until his last days had finally come.  Finally, he got his wish.  But this time, he became the guardian angel patiently working in the heaven for the dream that he had built on to become a reality.  He was still working in the heaven for us , three siblings, so that we will have something to rely on when we reach our old age.  Yes, two of us are in our fortys and one is three years short to celebrate  Life-starts-at-forty day.  Yesterday’s news gave me a glimmer of hope that my financial woes would ends.  Yesterday’s news was the dewdrop for the financial desert that I created.   Yesterday was the day which I saw my surrender to the Heaven that I a week ago – the day which I witnesses the answer of my prayer when I still stick to the Blesser.  I thank Bo Sanchez’s for May 1′s talk about Seasons – Spring time – stick to the Blesser.

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Jubilant!  Prudent! Parallel!

Excitingly I relayed the fabulous news. What a wonder! As I received the good news, she in her world received the good news that two big consumer companies with two hundred fifty outlets for each company have sealed the deal with them that they will distribute OxRyd the oxygenated water in the south.  Finally, the OxRyd is now officially on nationwide distribution.

Another wonder of our friendship is that two of us decided that it is about time to call quits in our own respective field once everything is stabilized.  We felt that we were riding on a rocking horse instead a race horse heading to our goal.  This time with prudence,we consider all the practical aspects in terms of our financial gains and losses, of the vision we are aspiring, of the fulfillment from our efforts, of the joy from the passion we had planted.  We finally declared that it’s about time to consider retirement from our field to venture out to a new horizon.

For twenty years, we’ve been laboring our heart and soul to the fields we love.  Our bones, fleshes, brains cells, our veins were staging own coup d’etat.  It’s about time we listen to our hearts. It’s about time to flash RED light.

Wonder from last Sunday’s talk of Mr. Bo Sanchez:

Four things to succeed in life :

a) PURPOSE

The Heaven / God has armed us with raw materials : highest truth (love, compassion),  Passion, andpotentials.

b)  PROBLEMS

They create success.   They tap the raw materials to conjure up an innovation, a creation, a solution for  the hindrances.  Once the hindrances crumple down, the fruit of our success is in our hand.

c) PERSEVERANCE

Success is based on perseverance.  No amount of talents or academic credentials can make us successful unless we persevere over the countless failures we encounter.  We rise up from where we slip  We rise up from where we stumble.  We rise up from where we fall.  We persist until we break through the resistance.  Armed with our innovative and creative selves, we conceive, design, establish, and find thousand and one ways to break through. Armed with resilience and courage, we work against the problem.  We choose growth over safety.

d) PRUDENCE

the wisdom to know when to persevere, when to quit

Wonders!

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Jubilant!   Wonders!  

When  I heard that our Mr. A or last Holy Week’s Mr. C as the creditor wouldn’t be around for dinner,  my whimsical brain cells were jumping with joy and began to cook up eating-out ideas.  I thought of  shabu-shabu to water my suppressed dried craving for shabu-shabu in celebration of bro’s 37th birday.   However, there was a disturbing little urge that made me hesitant to spend one-thousand-pesos- good- for- two dinner.  That little call reminded me to be grounded.  Yes, we got the good news, but the good news didn’t mean that  we were off the hook.  The financial problems were still waving in front of us.  There was a tug-of-war between my responsible self (my highest truth – the truth)  and my egoistic rational .  This know-it-al rational was again justifying that we did deserve to pamper ourselves sometimes, but my self-love highest truth gave me the courage to see the truth.  However, the tug of the right-wrong ego was insisting that I deserved a break.

I was unaware that my facial expression was in ambivalent agony. My Bro  saw the word UNCERTAINTY on my face. He suggested me to meditate and to listen intently to my guardian angel Guan Shi Yin Puh Sah.  I prayed and asked through my “kara krus” coins.   She disagreed of going to that shabu-shabu restaurant,  but instead she   agreed of  our going to Shakey’s or Yellow Cab for pizza treat.  Of course, Bro prefers Shakey’s.  I prayed for guidance.
My responsible began to work.  I checked our daily financial accounts.  Gosh!  I was taken aback that my highest truth call not to go shabu-shabu restaurant was right.  My guardian angel let me see through the financial accounts that we would suffer the problems brought my short of cash once we decided to pursue shabu-shabu eat out.  We decided for Shakey’s.  Another wonder was that Bro remembered he had shakey’s card.  He read and found out that we could avail one large  thin crust pepperoni pizza for a birthday treat and that we could avail for10 percent discount.  Wow!

Yes, we armored with empty stomach for a pig-out pizza night.  Of course, always my ever problem-probing self peeped through my mind.  We immediately asked whether there was a minimum purchase so that we could avail our pizza treat.  Marvelous answer!  The waitress smilingly assured us that just be order drinks we could avail our pizza.  Another welcoming news for the day that is!  We plunged ourselves at the menu, scrutinizing for the cheapest add-ons.  We finally settled for two orders ofItalian heart soup.   After fifteen minutes, only one bowl of Italian hearty soup was served.  Immediately, deep inside we were jumping with joy.  We didn’t wait for a second.  Right away, we ordered our ever-favorite mojos.  When the food was served, we were feasting with out sumptuous meal – one bowl of Italian hearty soup that Bro and I shared, a plate of 12-piece mojos, one large free thin crust pepperoni pizza, and two glasses of service water.  We were giggling and chatting and gobbling these long awaited pizza.

The wonders of the wonder came out.  When the waitress handed out our bill, we just knew with 10 percent discount we just had to pay one hundred fifty pesos.    No one could believe that two people eating at Shakey’s would just pay one fifty pesos for this meal.   We left the table gratefully for the blessings we got .  Big grins on our faces, walking as if we were on cloud nine, we literally wore our hearts on our sleeves.  Surely, from our expressions and behavior, our joy and happiness were apparent.

Till I slept, I still wore that big smile on my face.

What a wondrous day!

Bravo! From the cash I got, I paid this month’s dues. What a peacefully relief! What a blessing that I have something to pay for. This ironic sentiment may sound strange to the four-year-ago me. Paying dues is a blessing? C’mon. Only senile being could ever think such absurd idea. The logical me wouldn’t ever consider such theory until

Yes, paying dues means that an abundant me can pay such dues. Paying dues means I’m filled with abundance of love for myself and abundance concern for responsibility. Paying dues tells me that I’m living in the Present. I face my responsibilities courageously. I’m resourceful to find ways to resolve my dues.

Another breakthrough was to say NO for additional viand. Food, for me and bro, is more important than shoes, shirts, and other luxuries. Because of food expenses, I got into debts. (That’s another issue-breakthrough.) Food inspires me and motivates to live. But this time, I picked up and heeded what Ninang’s voice. She said better to keep something for tomorrow rather than to eat everything up for today. I made a responsible choice that we ate the leftover food, without additional viand. Gosh, viola. I saved the meal’s money. At the same time, I cherished the new feat for savings. What is the most remarkable mark was my OPENNESS to changes to my lifestyle, my COURAGE to face the problem, my ACCEPTANCE to new suggestion, and most of all my COMMITMENT to my HIghest Truth.

Rejoice!

A pat on my shoulder …. Mustered up the courage to break through my looking-good issue and egoistic pride, I gave Carol a message that I would like to sell my gold rings and necklaces for cash. Gratefully, I received her encouraging words, “Bring them here.”
This afternoon, after my tutorial session at Jasper’s place, I went first to pray for Ku LU Kong and went to her store.. Calm and unperturbed, no tinge of sadness but full of gratitude, I parted with my twenty-year-old tokens of memories with mami Luk, achi ghimma, myself. Upon knowing the amount of money I would receive, I was filled with gratefulness. My prayer was answered. That amount of money was enough to pay off two-month minimum due, electric bill, telephone bills, water bill. My salary would be used for our daily expenses. Gosh…. this money relieved me for two months.
I kept on wanting to feel guilt. No guilt, instead full of gratitude for the blessings these possessions brought me….
They gave me hope to live for the present .
They imparted a lesson to save for rainy days.
They shouted out loudly at me to plant for my future.
They paved a road for me to realign within these two months.

With possession lost, I gained life’s insights. I reached a point that I had to sell something prized to solve for financial crises. I am fortunate to have something. How about those without nothing to sell…. Did that nothing drive them to sell their fleshes, to steal, to venture to fast-money scheme to save the family? My heart was filled with gratitude that the Heaven closed all the doors yet He/She left a tiny crack for me to let the light penetrate through.

   After yesterday’s lunch break, I wanted to shrug off the languid cells from my body.  I drifted the day through watching my bro making his first mango ice cream, tasting it, watching TV as I was thinking whether to spend a precious 100 pesos for commuting to my ninang’s place.  I missed her motherly warmth.  I was perturbed.

    What perked me up was the restoration of  our  “dead” telephone line which had been in its recluse for a week and the hearing to my One Chum’s voice.  Ching’s own enlightening story of her own financial crisis  gave me hope.  She could see a glimmer of light since her OxRyd business was booming.  Since she always says that our lives are parallel, hoping for the might , I can see my rays soon.  Her voice and story cheered me up.

    What comforted me was Mang Tery’s consoling words that he understood my tight situation when I told him that I could only pay him for only a certain amount as he sent me to ninang’s place.    His answer gave me a glimmer of human compassion that he did understand since he called summer time as our crisis since school is off.  The ride gave me a time to reflect.  Gosh! I must stop on whining and dwelling this bleak state of mine.  My victim self  was dispiriting myself more.  It must be the time to let go and to turn to a new bright page.  Before the day ends, it is I who will let the rays of hope come in.

    The ride gave me a fresh start.  Gratitude was restored.  I appreciated my two creamy pieces of  bread spread with peanut butter.  I uttered with wonderment as I watered my leafy plants.  I even tied with red rope around the stems and the sticks that support them.  I played my five-minute game with gusto.  I ate my bro’s orange stir-fried chicken delectably though  the  organge chicken tasted like soyed chicken.   I lived my simple life joyfully.  I went to bed smilingly in my heart and worriedly in my brain.  I attempted to bridge them until I fell into my dreamland.  Yesterday was concluded with a sound sleep.

  The moment I opened my eyes, I felt spiritless.  Being in this insipid stature was very uncommon to my ever hyper morning routine.  Even I prayed and showered myself various blessings, my dreary (spiritless) self couldn’t seem to be perked up.  I know very well what caused my lackluster being in facing another day.  The scarcity mindset was haunting me again.  Whenever I thought the funds dwindling to less than fifty dollars left, all my eenrgy just evaporated.  I was praying for dew to save me.  I was praying for forgiveness. I was praying for another chance to realign my finances and to become a very loving responsible being.

LUNCH BREAK

Today is a remarkable day – not only rejoicing Christ resurrection but also celebrating the tranquility restored in our household.

Though his sharp tongue in picking on others still existed, there was a shared laughter prevailing here.

Late today I was opening my magic books – Jing Si Aphorism and Daily Bread…  Suddenly there was a pang of realization why the Heaven and the God poured crises to our lives.  They want us to be reminded that He is there and Wisdom exists.  No matter how high an individual has, no matter how rich he/she is, he/she is still humbed by the Above’s Greatness. 

For the past few days when I was in turmoil, I sought Their Guidance.  Today, just because everthing went back to its proper place and peace resided, I delayed my reading.  What an ungrateful being I am!  No wonder my Daily Bread read as “No one can be a real success without God.”  When I read this passage, I was raising my eyebrows.  Uh?  What?  What did He want to tell me?   As I was arranging my blog,  smacked on my head the thought of reflecting the passage I read this morning.  A pang of guilt attacked.  It seemed I did violate something.  After self-reflecting the HIghest Truth list,  I became wimpy, weak, and enervated.  My unintentional ingratitude craved in, without being aware.  No wonder Pops always tells me that earthly people’s falls are the pat of Heaven’s hands to awaken us and to ask us to His fold.  (know more about guilt  log on http://www.the-emotions.com/emotion-guilt.html  and  http://changingminds.org/explanations/emotions/guilt.htm)     That little tap was the Reality that I had seven thousands pesos (around $150) left to sustain our food expense  for thirty days.  I can’t pay my credit bills and other expenses.  Now, I am  totally lost.  Just when one tornado left, another is coming.  Hence, who are we humans to be mightier than the Heaven?

  On the other hand, Jing Si aphorism read,” The beauty of a group lies in the refinement of its individuals.”  Yes, we the siblings sat down and laughed together because with the Heaven’s Help we refined our own actions and owrds.  Unity returns . Wound begins to heal.  Life will begin a new phase again, in facing a new tornado in the guise of financial crisis. 

  With the Guidance, I believe I can surpass.  I am Humbled by my unthankful way.

On this day of your life, Aimee, we believe God wants you to know … that this world was made for you too.
	Enjoy it, explore it, experience it. Don’t hold back. It is God’s gift to you. Don’t be a wallflower in the dance of life.